Okay, that title sounds worse than it really is. I'm a Halloween hater, or maybe I was. I really can't find the draw in spending oodles of money on costumes that are worn for one day. I did like Halloween when I was a child, but I got to go door to door and get candy. Unless one had a phobia of candy or strangers, I can't imagine a kid who didn't love Halloween. So how did I get here?

Eight years ago, Al was working late on Halloween. I had to open the door and hand out candy to kids--never my favorite thing. A group of rather rambunctious boys came to the door and decided to have a wrestling match on my front porch. I opened the door to hand out the candy and they pushed and shoved to be first. They pushed me back into the house and then proceeded to wrestle in my living room! I was furious. I had to yell at them to stop--of course the parents weren't with them--and to get out of my house. They thought they were tough. They cussed and then proceeded to stomp all over my newly planted flower bed, kick the garage door, and attempted to break a porch light.

Now, do you blame me for hating Halloween?!? I'm still a curmudgeon. I refuse to hand out candy. I turn off all the outside lights. I put a note on my door that says "No tricks and No treats!" I have allowed my children to go door to door, but only for two blocks. They are young still and don't know that I may be cheating them out of the whole experience. But I'm not one to break that silence.

However, in the last two years, I've learned to open up a little bit at a time. This year Alyssa is getting ready for the first Halloween she'll remember. And she's already practicing playing the part. I can't deny her that.

Death of a loved one--real or not

Over a year ago Samantha was given a porcelain doll by a friend. She was too young to understand that we really don't play with porcelain dolls, we look at them. So I let her play with it. Samantha has slept with her, played with her, and genuinely loved her.

Lately Alyssa has grown an attachment to her. Alyssa tucks her into the doll cradle each night, covering her gently to keep her warm. In the morning Alyssa wakes her and carries her around. She's been very gentle. But today the doll fell out of her arms and crashed onto the tile floor. I knew what had happened immediately. Alyssa just stood there in shock and unsure what she should be doing and feeling.

Samantha was in tears, horrible, crocodile-sized tears. Her doll lie there missing an arm and a leg. I'm thankful it wasn't the face! Pieces of her were scattered over the family room rug and tile. It was like death--at least for Samantha. She's never lost something she loved and to see her partially mutilated doll was overwhelming for her. I unclothed the doll and handed her outfit to Samantha. I gently dropped the doll to the bottom of the garbage can.

Samantha went to her room, held the clothes in her hands, and sobbed for almost an hour for this doll. And Alyssa . . . she was in her room crying and repeating, "I sorry. Where da dolly?"

Well I decided that we can't replace it and we shouldn't. It won't be the same and I don't think a glass doll is best, of course. Lesson learned for mommy. We will, however, look for the perfect doll to love and ask for it for Christmas.

I knew someday we'd be dealing with boys and marriage, I just didn't think it would come this soon.

Monday, Samantha is getting dressed for school and announces that she's going to marry James. I asked her how she knew she was going to marry James. "Because he's my friend, Mom." I told her that she couldn't get married until she was 25. I asked, "What about college?" "Well of course, James will go to college, Mom." Reality . . . "You have to go to college, too, kiddo."


Got my sinus CT results today. Everything is good. I had a momentary panic attack of course, but just an underlying infection that needs a dose of super antibiotics. I'm relieved it's not surgery. I did have a blood test too (new doctor) and discovered I'm severely vitamin D deficient. I've got to take a Vitamin D prescription for two months and then I should be back on track. I'm guilty of ignoring the sun. I burn worse then I used to and so it's easy to stay away from it. I've got to work in an hour each day for eternity--should be zen. I think I can fit that in with a daily walk--two birds with one stone.

Changing

Alyssa is blossoming so much. Her language skills have exploded in the last two weeks. Yesterday she was stuffing her mouth with tomoatoes she was stealing off the vines. She stopped to say, "Mom, I'm happy." Every day there is something she says that goes a little further than the day before. She's probably added 50 new words in the last two weeks alone. It still amazes me how a child develops so rapidly.

We've been struggling with fear of going to the bathroom in her own diaper. This week we've climbed that summit finally. It's taken a year and caused us major stress. Now she wants to learn to go potty. We're all really excited about a house without diapers.

I've stopped taking a medication that I used for migranie supression at night. It made me a zombie most of the time and I added 20 pounds (highly abnormal for me) in the last two years. It has definately been suppressing a lot more than the migraines. It was suppressing my IBS, which of course is a good thing, but 20 pounds is really depressing for me. I'll suffer through the withdrawls in the hopes of ridding my body of this yuck. I hope to get back to yoga and will try acupuncture for the migraines. Amazing how one tiny pill can shape you.

We're back to our organic farm on Saturdays. I bought a moderate amount of produce last week. I will double my purchase this week. Pinnacle is even allowing a local organic chicken farmer sell their chicken meat there. Yum! The grocery stores will see us a lot less through winter. I am hoping that Al will make me a large trough so I can grow lettuces, kale, and onions this winter. I am getting excited about Fall cooking. I've already made two homemade soups this week. And I plan make my own french bread this weekend. I've got to get back to my food blog. I've neglectged it so much. I hope to start writing this weekend. Look for updates soon: www.onemouthatatime.blogspot.com.